then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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