so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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