Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize