3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
