I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
