Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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