He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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