"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
