dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
