dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
