maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
