Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
