We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
