You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
