party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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