Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
