I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I checked into jail on foursquare
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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