Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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