i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
