I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
