Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
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My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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