i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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