Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
