The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
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Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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