I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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