so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
