Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Boobs speak an international language.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
