He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
