Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
