You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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