all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
