Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
