i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize