I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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