Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
PANTIES FOUND
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
