Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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