Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My vagina is officially offended.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
