i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
