i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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