things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
