this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
