Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
