tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
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I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
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The power of my boobs compel you
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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