What did we do last night that was yellow?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
