I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
