Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I will be naked everywhere
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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