i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
