when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
