I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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