This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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