i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You left your phone here
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