Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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