I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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