He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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