doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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