I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
