My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
